We have heard them all: I never have enough money, I never have enough time, my partner never listens to me and on we go. Are they valid? Why do we say them? Do they make a difference? Consider that there are two types: Committed and Hot Air!
One of the most powerful distinctions I learned on the FIRST DAY on my Landmark Forum back in October 1993 was the so called: Racket – a way of “doing” or “having” plus a persistent complaint. It is explained differently these days! In the inquiry, we were asked about common persistent complaints we had about ourselves, others and even life itself.
We were then asked to look at each ‘racket’ from two points of view; The COST and the PAYOFF of these dogged grievances! Well I guess many people are unhappy when they don’t have enough money or time. For myself, I saw it stopped me, had me sad and I certainly wasn’t ‘lively’ when I shared this particular upset. Payoff, what do you mean? What do you get about having ‘not enough money’? Hmm…I get to be right! (Look at my bank account!) I get to justify my reasons for not having enough money! I get to dominate..don’t ask Charles, he never has enough money! Ewww!
Wow, so these continuous problems are really stopping me in having what I want! Ahah! So what do you do when you notice one of these re-occurring groans starts up again? Stop and notice…IS THE PAYOFF WORTH IT? Great question!
But then, what about good complaints? Ones like “The World will never stop fighting, so that we have no more wars!” What do you do there? Aaah that’s where a COMMITTED COMPLAINT ARISES! Consider a committed complaint is only ever delivered to someone who can make a difference with the complaint. So in this case; sharing this issue with a country’s leader? Indeed all 195 countries’ leaders and hey, most of them are men…ahh another complaint..now don’t get me started??!! Best thing is to consider is that committed complaints can MAKE GREAT DIFFERENCES.
So the next time you indulge in a complaint, notice who you are sharing it with and if it isn’t someone who can’t make a difference with your protest, perhaps it is all HOT AIR! Now a great question to ask is what is YOUR BIGGEST COMPLAINT?